Last week my mother died. She was 94years old and had been in a nursing home for 3 years. However up until the last 6 weeks she was alert and interested in everything around her. Despite her difficulty with speech when visiting her, she was first to ask how you were. She took a keen interest in everyone’s life. She always looked on the bright side. She was a happy, generous caring soul and that is how I will remember her, not the frail body of the last 6 months.
As a holistic practitioner we need to acknowledge that things happen to us and affect us too. We often deal with others grief and distress but how do we deal with our own? Who do we look for support? Doctors generally are not good at this and tend to deny many of the feelings and carry on at work regardless. If it happens to you, have time off to reflect and learn from the experience. It will help you develop and be a better doctor.
What did I learn? The most important thing when sitting with a dying person is the state of your own mind. I focused on creating a peaceful atmosphere for my mother. I ensured that she was physically comfortable then spent time meditating in her presence. I focused on love, light and peace. I felt calm and a comfortable feeling was created in the room. When the nurses came to attend her they commented on it.
One evening I went through all her own photograph albums, which gave me a perspective on her life. I felt many of the special people in her life were close and ready to welcome her. Although she was not responding for the last three days I spoke to her softly and reassuringly of how much she had given to life and how much she had been appreciated. It was now OK for her to go when she was ready and that everything was in order.
In the end it was very gentle and peaceful passing. Of course we will miss her, but I feel good that it was a good death.
How fortunate you were to share the experience with your mother and witness a 'good death'.
ReplyDeleteAs a palliative care nurse for 10 yrs (before I became an holistic therapist)our primary goal was to help the patient and support the relatives inorder to achieve this. Fortunately the majority of doctors I worked with in this field of medicine shared our aims and objectives. It was certainly different from the field I now work as a therapist within the mental health service where the approach is mainly the use of powerful sedatory drugs. I am sometimes frustrated and discouraged that although the rhetoric of mental health recovery involves holistic therapies, the very real benefits that patients derive from holistic therapies are often ignored by the professionals or dismissed or indeed flooded out by over medication. Sadly the patients in mental health are disempowered by the drugs & opportunity for discussion, negotiation, understanding & agreement with the patients simply does not happen. In some ways mental health services have not moved forward in the last 100 years & the only notable change is that the long term mental health institutions have mostly been closed & patients moved out into the 'caring community' where there is no adequate care & support available for the majority of these very vulnerable people. I am presently running a project within mental health services. The results from every session is measurable and significant but I know that I am going to have to persevere inorder to get the message heard! I am not complaining because I know that pioneer work is not meant to be easy for anyone! I am simply saying that it is extremely important that we find ways of penetrating & opening up old 'conventional' ways of doing and thinking with an enlightened way to help people to help themselves which holistic medicine encourages so that both approaches can work side by side. That is my dream for future health care. It may seem to be idealistic to some but I firmly believe that it is the only viable & healthy way forward to promote good health & mental well-being. Thank goodness that there are holistic centres springing up in various places. They are sowing the seeds for the future. Meanwhile I keep going with the projects,public talks, running workshops and publicising the results to whoever will listen! Yes, I have a dream .............. Good Wishes to You. Thank you for your blog.
Kind Regards, Susie